Walking by Faith-depending on GOD

One of the things the LORD has taught us is how to really walk by faith. This story is huge-so there is no way that I can share it all in this one post. But over time, I will tell you how we have come to this ability of walking by faith. New Believers often try so hard with this-they often become discouraged and give up. You must remember you are taking baby steps as you learn, and to just keep your eyes on YASHUA/JESUS and you will accomplish your goal of walking by faith. Do not compare yourself to your neighbor-do not compare yourself to anything but what HIS word says.

Many people plan their lives, they plan their budget, they plan the births of their babies, when and how far apart their children will be born, they plan how many children they will have, they plan the home they will live in, they plan their daily 'to do list'--- they plan their everything! They-they-they...where is the LORD GOD YHWH in all of the 'they'?

We really wanted to learn how to walk by faith. That means first totally being in submission to the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY-YHWH. That means that we can not have our ways, but it must be HIS way.

For many years I was a stay at home mom, and I loved it. I think that is GODS will for the wife and mother. I really do. I know for some of you, I may step on your toes a bit here, but if you have your priorities in order, then GOD comes first, your husband comes second and your children are third. Your home is next and finally will be any other ministry or a job. Today many women put some outside ministry or a job in front of their families and often even in front of GOD HIMSELF. They want to do something for 'the kingdom' and often they fail to realize that by being the true helpmate for their husband and a full time mother to their children, they are in fact doing something for the 'kingdom'.

Often in today's economy it becomes a financial issue too. I know many moms that are in the work force or in school to begin a career. I still believe that GODS will is that the woman stays home with their young children. I think that the enemy has begun this process of working outside of the home as a way to get our families up rooted and destroy the family. I really do.

As a stay at home mom, I worked to save as much money as I could. I grew a huge garden, canned 500 quarts and about 200 pints of can goods each year from the garden. We had fruit trees, 2 cherry trees, about 6 apple trees and a pear tree. We also had some fruit tree that would not bear fruit (should have cut it down) but we allowed it to live and it was the kids climbing tree. That worked well so they usually stayed out of our fruit trees!!!

I dried and canned fruits, vegs and meat. I dried herbs. I was often considered sort of weird in my little community of home schooling mothers, and even within the church we attended. Very few mothers worked 'at home' like me, gardening and canning and sewing all those motherly things. Many of the women in the church at the time were career women. They 'had it all'- a job and a home life. Well that is what they appeared to have. I tried to not feel left out. I would ask GOD to give me patience, and to give me the sense of security and contentment.

When we named our babies, we were choosy about the names, the meanings were important to us. We prayed about what the babies name should be, I had a list thru out the pregnancy of about 25 names and we would wait on the LORD to confirm the name. That was often considered weird too. I was told I had 'exotic names' for my girls, but not the boys-why? I would say well that is what the LORD said to name them, and a lot of people just thought that was weird so I would just sort of say nothing or do this grunt sound. It shuts people up and shuts them out. (that is a Native American way to answer but not really answer...)
I was just weird all the way around I guess.

I sewed the dresses and skirts my daughters and I wore, the shirts and pajamas the whole family wore, often made coats and blankets that we used too. I sewed many things that we used- all of the curtains in the house, throw covers for the furniture, and many other items. I was crafty-making things for the home, and for the kids. I really enjoyed this- If they wanted a play costume to play in, I made it. The girls had little princess dresses and the boys could play as Daniel Boone, or a pirate or even Star Wars or Star Trek outfits. (not saying these shows are ok to watch, but back then we did and I am just explaining here how much I sewed for my children)

Dustin loved trains and had a nice collection of Thomas the train, I even sewed onto sweatshirts Thomas the train, making my designs up as I went. People liked all of this I sewed and wanted them, but due to copy right laws, I choose not to make them for anyone except my children. For my family, it was fine. I think that the LORD blessed that little bit of respect.

I almost never bought anything new- garage sales and the good will was my favorite shopping places. Second hand was ok. We also began teaching our children how to be a good steward of what they had.

We learned to do with out, and to just make do. Our kids did not know about designer clothing until they were much older. Even then, I really do not think that it mattered. Our youngest two went to a public school in their high school years, and they were never into having designer stuff. The Good Will store was a regular place they shopped!

See I really believe that today the parents help with this problem of kids wanting everything. We give so much to our children that we do not allow them to first- use their imagination. By not allowing them to do that and by giving them everything we do not teach them the value of money. When they have to earn it, and save up for that item they want so bad, they learn to appreciate it more. When they see you as mom and dad working to make ends meet, they learn to appreciate it more too.

I really don't think as younger children that our children knew they did not have much. When they were older, and began mixing with the 'teen' group at church, that is, sadly- when we had trouble. They began to see what they did not have, and often were made fun of because of it.

We were still very cautious as to what they could be involved in. Once I remember many of the 'youth ministry kids' getting to go see the movie Lord of the Rings, and even one of the teachers in sunday school class discussing it and using it as an example in class. Our oldest daughter asked him to explain it more (since she had not seen the show) and his response was a very rude remark-which I wont share here, just because people attend church -does not mean they have the same values as we did. This was not a show that should be encouraged at all especially in the church. Sadly this was they way many of the kids were in the youth 'ministry'.
Another time, with the same movie, one of our sons friend (our second child)- asked us if our son could go with him to see this show (He told us that he said he had seen 2 times already) to which we told him no. He had the nerve to question us as parents of our son, and as adults, asking why, over and over again...saying-"it was a godly show- it showed godly values...showed right and wrong...' he was in our face and so rude! Where were his values at respecting us being the parents of our son and respecting us as adults??? He did not appear to have any!
I was very proud of our son, he looked at the guy and said 'hey dude, my parents said no- so drop it.. .' He then talked with us about it back at home, where he should speak with us about it. Not in front of the friend.

We later previewed the show-just my husband and I and we agreed it was NOT a godly show, just as our first instincts as a parent had been...(just line it up to the bible and that should have been enough!) We just saw little demons crawling around in the movie and that is not something we wanted our kids to see. If and when our children become adults and they want to see that show, that is then their business, but as a child-we are responsible for what they are allowed to see and do. We will have to answer to GOD for how we raise our children.
(I guess you can figure out what I think about the book series of harry potter too! Junk! Worldly and full of witch craft! and do not even begin an argument with me about harry potter books and movies, if you can not see the witch craft in there then your blind and are in a very scary spot with your relationship with GOD. The bible is VERY clear about what GOD says about witch craft. If you can not see that--again, your in a very scary spot. )

So as you can see, we were a bit different. At least from how the 'church seemed to be' at the time.

One of the areas in our lives was learning to trust fully in GOD and what HE had for our lives.

As for income to the family, and as most families, that little bit of income I had begun to make did help us a lot. To bring in a little bit of income, I worked very part time, with my husbands blessing, first selling Tupperware and later as a nurse assistant. I also taught child birth classes, (began that in 1991) prior to becoming a nurses assistant in OB at a local hospital. I was away from the family, but not that much. The problem is, slowly we began to enter into that need of more and more money. The more we had the more we spent and the more we wanted. This is why I believe that a woman should stay at home with her children and work from the home. That is biblical. There is nothing wrong with that!

Well there is a lot of 'I's' written above, But that was our life. As we were raising our children, we did depend on the LORD GOD YHWH, but also often on ourselves.

We began with a budget. We did the envelope thing, where you put away a little each week for everything. We had a envelope for food, the house payment, auto payment, heat, electric, family vacation, family clothing, birthdays etc. It took a long time to build up some money for some things, but it did work to organize us and keep us on tract. But it was a way to depend on us. Not fully on the LORD. We knew that. Yet we also know HE wants us to be smart with our income. There was still more to learn!

Then one day I went back to school. Yes at the time I had my husbands blessing, but was it ever really GODS blessing? Did we really ask HIM? Did we really ask for HIS timing? Did we ever ask HIM to instead bless Scott's ability to bring in the income?

I really do not think that we did. We did what we wanted, what 'seemed' right at the time. Oh, GOD has used that education, but I really believe that HIS will was that I would have waited about 10 more years before heading back to school.

I did work as a nurse for about 8-10 years. When I began- I loved it and soon began to hate it. It was really not for me. I loved helping people. I still do. But the rest-politics... I would do it, to pay off the bigger bills we had now because of it, but I grew to hate it. I hated seeing how women were treated in labor. I hated working with (some) doctors who thought they were god. I hated submitting to some who thought they were god. I soooo very much hated that. I do not like following leaders of any kind, whether in the church or in the work force that are not following GOD HIMSELF. I do not want to follow anyone that is not a GODLY person. I hate that!!! There were many who played church, and that stunk to me. really stunk. I wanted out. I knew I had been called to serving women with birth, so I began to study. For years.

The LORD in HIS grace began to nudge me to work at becoming a midwife. Which I did.
HE had been working on this area of my live for about 22 years. That is how long it took for me to really be in HIS will with any type of job. I really believe that nursing was a step in the right direction, but I still believe that it was not HIS timing. I was not at home with my babies when I was in school to become a nurse. My babies were growing up and growing up fast. Now I look back and realize how many things I missed out on and how it could be so different. Part of the reason I began working so soon, was after our house fire, (another story another day) and all of the losses. But the more I worked, the less I gardened and the less I canned and the less I did to save money. A big circle.




So now fast forward to 2009-here we are-I now work full time as a midwife. The children are all grown, have been now for a year or more. Four of our five children are married, and all live away. They have learned good and unfortunately some bad things from us too. But we have given them roots of faith. It is up to them to continue that faith in Yashua and HIS ways and to seek after HIS truth.

To go from a student midwife to a 'real' midwife-that transition, beginning a solo practice- was not easy. It meant that we would go with out a lot. Our children were still at home at this time. It would mean giving up a steady income of working as a nurse and go without a income and waiting and trusting on the LORD GOD YHWH. Many people think that working as a midwife is a great source of income. If you have 2 or 3 births a month, your making big bucks right?! They forget that some months you have no births. See I limit how many I do each month, but some months I have no one due or only one due. that means the busy months have to help pay for the lean months! That means discipline with your income. (gee- have we been learning to listen to GOD so we were ready for this type of income-which is being unsure at all times of when and how much is coming in???)

If you're going into it midwifery or nursing for the reason of money, then stop and do something else. (if your going to work in the hospital as a midwife-well that is different-they make more money). Often people go into these type of jobs for the income. WRONG wrong wrong reason. You will be unhappy and find yourself with school bills and stuck in a job that will frustrate you-especially if your a believer.

First you have your education expenses, next the beginning expenses-just the initial exam as a CMP/ midwife was over 800 dollars for each exam (there are two), and that did not include the travel fees to the testing place, hotels , books etc.! (midwifery books as well as nursing books can be very expensive. One book alone for midwifery is over 150.00)

There is a HUGE expense at setting up a private practice. The equipment you need is expensive. Being a midwife means you do not have a steady income. You do not have a weekly or bi weekly paycheck. It means when you have some one due, payments are made by the couple-and most of the time it is over many months. Yet each week, supplies are purchased, gas money is used-and often with zero income!

Taxes are owed each year-private business taxes are not cheap- about 30-35% of what I bring in goes to that- (give to ceaser ...) I even have to report when I take a cow for trade! Money for education (I have to have CEU's which are continuing education units) each year. That means a seminar is attended each year...sounds like fun? Well there is the travel expense, hotels, food and the seminar itself. Fun? Yes, maybe sometimes, I always like to learn, but spending the money-not fun.

I have helpers that I have to pay, I have tires on autos (at least 2 sets a year most of the time per auto) auto up keep, auto repairs, (3000-5000 miles to an oil change can come every 3-5 weeks for me) insurance, taxes, plates....bla bla bla!

Then there is the phone bill...as my youngest son would say...'dumb dumb dumb dumb'...

Now don't think I am complaining here, really I am not, but the reality is this, running your own business is not cheap. In our lives, meaning Scott and I, we are guaranteed an income of about 39% of what is needed each month to pay our bills. Our bills include just normal living expenses like everyone else....plus feed for the animals, and food for us...etc...

All the rest we wait on the LORD to bring in. This is just to pay the bills, it does not include any vacations, any clothing, any seminars, or business expenses or other items like that. It is JUST normal bills! Try living like that-really by faith.

That is what it is like to do a ministry type job and walk by faith. Yet HE has never left us or forsaken us. HE has always provided. It means we do have to think ahead, so one month I may get paid a lot and the next-nothing. If we do not plan ahead, and listen to YHWH -and I mean really listen to HIM, we would go under at any time. Only HE knows what we will need in the future. So we have learned to listen and trust HIM. Save for that rainy day and yet when HE says 'yes, buy that now' we have to listen to HIM for that too.

This is how the LORD has prepared us though for this life that we live. We have to depend on HIM. We have to listen to HIM. And if HE says go (it is ok-buy that now)-we go, if HE says no, do not go- (do not spend) we do not.

Many of the mission trips were this way-up until the day I left I often did not have the full amount-but knew HE had said to go. So you just trust and plan and walk by faith, and HE brings it in. Sometimes it is not easy. Still times I want to get angry and say-why can't we just live like everyone else??? Why can't we have a budget- so I know ahead of time? Why can't I just know??? Why cant it just be the same each week??? Why do we have to wait? Why do we have to trust so much? And I know when I rant this way HE is just looking at me saying 'daughter, I have told you already..." and I say...yes my LORD, I know....I am just feeling down today...and need to hear it again....

So my little self pity party is just a waste of time. Because if we did not walk by faith and really trust HIM, we would be depending on ourselves and not on our SAVIOR Yashusa!! HE has a reason that HE has been preparing us for this walk of faith. HE has been preparing me to be a midwife for a very long time, and for my husband to understand and be prepared too. If He is preparing us for other things, well only HE knows, and some day-we will fully know. We will be ready for that someday...