I became a nurse in the early 1990's, working in many areas-mostly OB, but also Med-Surg (which means on the floor where people who are ill stay, and also those who have had surgery-stay.) I have also worked with ReHab, and people on Ventilators. So I have made the 'rounds' in nursing.....
One thing that often happens-nurses become burned out easily. The job is stressful, requires quick thinking skills, and a back bone that causes you to stand up and take crap from the doctors and patients.
When I had first graduated, out of nursing school for just a couple of months-I grew my back bone.
I was taking care of a post-op patient (just out of surgery) and when the doctor finally quit writing his orders on the chart, and brought the chart to the nurses station-I began the task of trying to read his awful hand writing. I learned later he was dyslexic.
He promptly left. I did not get to speak with him. Often many of the doctors will say to you before they leave, do you have any questions...but not all of them are this polite.
I had been with the patient so did not get to talk to him at all before he had left.
This doctor went to church with me-so I considered him to be a friend. Most of the orders were readable, but there was a couple of them I really could not figure out his hand writing. I asked a more experienced nurse that was on that day, she could not figure it out either. The ward clerk (a person who is at the desk all the time, helps with the doctors orders, answers the phones, and all of the other ways to keep the floor running smoothly) could not figure out what was written either. She can read their writing better than us...so now what?
That meant I had to call the office. Great. I hated to do that, it often meant a long time on hold, waiting to hear from the doctor who had to finish what ever he was doing with a patient in the office, and that meant that I was not with my patients on the floor, so I was getting behind in my work...
But I did not want to mess up with the orders, or do anything wrong to a fresh post-op patient...that would not be good. I could loose my job if I did something like that! And more important, harm a human being.
So I called, talked to the secretary (who also attended church with me-and was a friend) told her I could not understand the writing, and needed to know what it said. I thought maybe he (the doctor) would just give her the message and I would not have to speak with him. I waited......waited....
Finally I heard the phone click off from being on hold...it was the doctor. He began yelling, and said DOES IT SAY.....(fill in bad words here) DOES IT SAY.....(again fill in information and bad words)...DOES IT SAY...
I began sobbing and said ok...ok...ok...to each thing he said. Then he hung up.
I turned and went back to the employee bathroom (which was right behind the nurses station) and locked the door-locking myself in. I sat and cried for about a half an hour. Sobbing. I could not believe how this jerk of a so-called-friend from church had just spoken to me! I was not sure I wanted to be a nurse anymore. All I wanted to do was to help people! If I had interpreted the orders wrong, I would have been in trouble-so I know I had done the right thing to call-but to be treated like this?
(today-you would prob not have to put up with this-you could file a complaint against the person ---but back then, 18 years ago...not done-doctors were 'god' their word was 'final'.)
Everyone was so worried about me, they stood outside of the door knocking and trying to encourage me to come out...telling me it was ok, he was a jerk. Even the director of nursing came down and tried to get me to come out. I had to deal with this somehow...
Finally-after prayer and searching my heart, seeking GOD ---seeking if this was this the right path for now that I was to be on--- I opened the door, I had grown a back bone. Thick and tough.
I dried my tears, and walked out to finish my job for the day. To everyones looks of pity-I just walked past them and up to the nurses station.
That doctor and I did not talk again. Never. Even in church. He never apologized to me. I heard he had -had a bad day with something to do with the county health department-so he had taken it out on me.
He continued to go to church-never saying 'lets talk', or 'I am sorry.' To this day, we have not spoken.
But this showed me his heart. You should never take your anger out on someone else, but especially if they are considered to be a brother or sister in Christ. Never. But if you do, you should be mature enough to say your sorry.
So now as nurse, you-a doctor had better not make me mad-or you will get a 2 am phone call, as often as I can-waking you up, for the slightest thing. I will hound you for anything your patient wants-a cough drop-so, well...how about an order at 3 am for a cough drop? Worked for me!
So often nurses develop this tough attitude. And in reality, it is needed to deal with the crap you have to deal with in the health care field. But if not careful it can carry over to the patient. If not careful it will cause your heart to become hard.
Being a nurse means you see life and death, often daily and sometimes together. When your with a dying patient, you really have to have compassion...you have to be patient...you have to spend the time with the patient, listening to their fears, and be able to address them...and also take care of the practical stuff with the patient.
When you have developed this tough exterior to be able to deal with the doctors and crap, you have to be balanced to not use it towards those you are caring for.
One such patient, who knew he was dying any day-any time....wanted a bath. So myself and another nurse, gave him his last bath. He was fully aware and talked about dying to us, about heaven, about GOD and HIS SON. We prayed with him. It was very awesome to me to know one minute he was here, and the next-gone-his soul gone.
When you get tired of dealing with life and death, you can become hard towards the patients. This is when it is time for you to change jobs. Go do some desk work, where you will not be with any people (patients anyway) or even change the type of job your doing. If you do not, you will not take good care of the people, you may even do harm.
Patients deserve respect, dignity and kindness.
So now for my brother-who had Parkinson's for over 10 years. Parkinson's is the shaking...it becomes difficult to walk and even hold items. Holding a glass of water becomes a challenge to not spill any. Almost impossible task.
My brother also had breast cancer-on his Left side. That arm was swollen about 5x the normal size. The fluid seeping from the skin, was in response to the bodies way to reduce the swelling....he could hardly move the arm or hand, let alone hold anything with it.
In walks the nurse or nurses aid of B****** Hospital in ********* Michigan. They (the kitchen staff) would deliver the food tray to my brother, and then the nurse or nurses assistant should come in to set it up for him and help him eat. Remember he can not use the left arm at all, and the right one, hardly -shaking so bad. But they would open his drink, and put the straw in it and sit it on his chest. My brother would have to try to move his head in such a way to grab the straw-remember his head and neck shakes too, and his neck is so weak he often wore a neck brace to support his head.
My brother loved raisin bran cereal. He ordered this for breakfast. Unable to open the box or poor the milk, or hold the spoon, it would just sit there. The aid would come back and say 'do you want this for later since you did not eat it yet?' Frank would answer-or try to (you had to be patient as he tried to talk) but the aid was not willing to wait for his answer, so she would just sit the cereal on the bed side stand, and walk out. How cruel to leave a hungry dying man with his food in front of him, never offer to help.
How awful to leave a dying man with something to drink, but unable to hold it himself or do anything...
How awful to not attend to a dying man....
How awful for a dying man to ask for a bed pan and have to wait for 45 minutes to get one, then have an 'accident' and have the nurse say "well you've started going so you might as well finish and I will clean you up".
Lets take away his dignity in the last days of his life....
The shame that this nurses assistant or any of the nurses should feel...
Again, I HAVE taken care of many dying patients through the years when I still worked as a nurse, and you do NOT abandon them. You offer a drink every time you walk by, no matter how much time it takes. And if you find that you just can not physically do this, too many patients, too many things going on, then advocate for that patient and call the supervisor and insist on more help. If you get now where, go above that supervisors head, continue until you get the help that is needed.
My family had to fight for my brothers rights to just good care. You should not have to go through that-ever but especially when your dying.
After the family originally waited all day for a doctor who was on call to show up, after a whole shift (one nurse who was on duty said the doctor would be in that morning, came back for her next shift and the doctor still had not shown up...) so this nurse worked to contact him. (although we had bad service from some, we also had wonderful service from others)
He --the doctor--would NOT return her calls, so she went the next step up-contacting the cancer department and they got a hold of him (he was a cancer doctor) and then-- he finally called and was talking to the nurse, who told him the family wanted to talk to him so she handed the phone to my sister in law-who began asking him questions...this doctor yelled so loud in the phone to my sister in law, that my brother heard it, and said: 'is my life not worth 5 minutes of his time?"
He then yelled at her and said, "he is dying what do you want me to do?" Really? How about taking care of him.
How about coming in and talking to the family, since this is the FIRST they have heard that he is dying. They have been told by his regular oncologist all along that he is doing better and winning the battle with the cancer...
What a way to learn your dying.
We were told by another doctor who sat before us defending this doctor- he is the
'doctors doctor...'
"they all have such great respect for him...."
...well I say, that don't impress me much...
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| Frank, years ago before he became ill.... |
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