Tomato Horn Worm

Well, they are out and eating my tomatoes!

A week ago, there was no sign of any insects or damage and today while weeding, I saw damage to the plants and signs of tomato horn worms.  


Time to go 'worming'. 
Below, is how most of my plants looked a week ago and most of them still look like this today...

 Now, look at this!  See below!  The tops are eaten right off!  I will not share my tomatoes with any worm!  No I will not, I am very stingy with my tomato's!~  (well when it comes to insects anyway!)

Look at the tops of the plants- this is showing that you have a tomato horn worm eating away at your plants.

This is the poop that the worms leave behind.  If you see this and your leaves or tomatoes eaten into, look for the worm!

And now in the photo below, is the worm!

Can you see him?

Look close!

Click on the photo to enlarge the photo and see if you can find him.

Here is another photo of him below...

And below is a closer photo of him...

This one is actually a tobacco hornworm.

Fat little things aren't they!  I usually just pull them off. They have little suction cups on their little 'legs' so they can hold on well, and they will hold onto you too when you grab them!. 

The poky thing coming out of its hind end area, is not sharp, But it scares away other bugs because they think they will be stung.  That is one reason why it is called the tomato horn worm/Tobacco hornworm--the poky thing.  You can not get stung by one of these so don't be afraid. But do get rid of them or your plant will not do well.  These worms do not just eat one tomato, they eat a little of every tomato! 

You can see the underside of this worm above. If you do not like to touch them, then just break off the leaf or stem they are feeding on and remove them that way.  Do not just throw them into the yard, trust me, they will be back! You need to destroy them, or remove them to a field or something.

 They can get to be about 5 inches long, and really fat like a marker.  But they are often hard to see as they blend in with the leaves so well.  If you see signs of them on the plants, leaves and tomatoes eaten, then look for their poop, that is usually 'fresh' from the current location they are eating from.  Sometimes you have to just get a lawn chair and sit down by your tomatoes and just 'look' for awhile .

 It takes patience, like those games where you look for hidden things in the picture.  One worm can destroy your tomatoes in just a few days.  They grow fast, so one day they might be really small and the next a big fat worm! 

  I do not use toxins on my farm at all, so I have things like this -and other bugs-to deal with on a  regular basis... 

 This means I have to go out every few days and check my garden.  But your out there anyway, weeding and harvesting --take time to look for the worms too!

 I would rather pull off bugs and feed them to the chickens than use toxic stuff on my plants to keep the weeds and bugs away!  

I know there are organic sprays out there, and I have heard to get an old blender and blend up these bugs and other ones and then spray the plant with their chopped up guts but I would rather not do that!  That is just too gross for me!

By the way, if you ever see one with white things on it like this, (photo below) that is good!  That is from a wasp that laid its eggs on the worm, and the wasp's larva are eating the worm!  So leave it alone! the wasps are good bugs for your garden!

braconid wasp, Cotesia congregatus. 

The wasps like the following plants: Parsley, dill yarrow and Mustard, so these in your garden close to the tomatoes might attract them. The braconid wasp consumes nectar and pollen.  They do not sting humans unless you attack them first. So they are not really harmful (but if you are sensitive to them, still carry your epi pen when gardening).  

My chickens and the peacock just love them, they are a treat for them-so I will continue to pull them off the plants- along with all the other bugs -by hand.  

Oh and by the way, this moth that is made from the tomato horn worm (see photo below)

is not currently endangered so you are not hurting anything to get rid of them in the moth stage or in the larva stage (the horn worm).  

If you do not want to kill them, that is fine, I suggest that you plant a few plants are just for the larva of moths or butterflies then, and move them to those plants. I do that with some of my plants such a Lovage.  

If I find the caterpillar for a swallowtail or monarch butterfly anywhere in my garden, then I will allow them to live, even at the expense of my vegetables!

Happy worm hunting!

A Visit To Our Son and His Wife

We have needed a get away, even if only for a day or so.  A plan to go visit our son Dustin and his wife Samantha was in order.  


They live up in Muskegon Michigan, so we planned to go away for the weekend.  Well for 2 weeks I have been checking out the camp grounds in the area, and the state parks said no early reserves-just first come first serve.  So that would mean maybe getting a camp site that would not be our first choice.  Dustin said we could stay with them, and that is what we ended up doing. Scott  has monday off too, so we could have extend the stay if we wanted....but since we did not camp, we decided not to stay that long.  

Well the plan at first was to camp, and we have not camped for a long time, so thought it would be fun. It has been years actually! Scott was to be off work on Friday, we would have left on friday morning, to find a good site.  Plans changed- he had to work all day (which is better financially) but that would mean that we would not get out of the house until about 4 pm or later.  That would mean we would not get a good camp site.


I was busy all day doing doing laundry, cleaning the house and getting ready.  Scott came home after work, and while working on chores, found one of our female goats had died this after noon.  She was our best momma goat .  He had to get her buried, could not wait until we returned in this hot humidity of over 90 degrees.


So after that, and going to town to the bank (our bank stays open late) and the pharmacy for me (diabetic supplies) we were on the road going north!  We thought maybe we would find a campsite, and I thought I would call the one camp ground just in case they would hold one -even though they said they do not, I thought I could at least ask.  I found out that their web page is wrong, they do take reservations!  But they are full now, as are other camp grounds in the area (there is a motorcycle rally thing this weekend in Muskegon) so no camping.

But that would mean we would get to stay with our son in his apartment, so more time with him and his wife!
We arrived that evening, and spent some time visiting, had a late supper and then went to sleep.  They gave up their bed for us, (very nice!) and took the blow up mattress we had brought along -placed on the floor in the living room.  Here are some photos of Dustin getting that ready. 

They had Egyptian cotton sheets on the bed-Wow!   I need to get some of those!  They are great!  Very comfortable and soft!


Saturday morning we had a big breakfast of eggs, potato's with onions, and roast beef then went to the store for a few supplies for our picnic lunch on the beach.  

The beach was not too crowded, but crowded enough that the parking lot was filling up.  Walking in the sand was a bit tough for my knee, but worth it! 

 Swimming in Lake Michigan was great!  Very refreshing!  

I have not went to lake michigan for about 15 years or more...back when the kids were all at home!  It was better than the ocean, (no salt water!) and the sun was so warm! 

 We had a lunch of chicken salad, chips, pickles, and water...cool water! Samantha covered Dustin with sand, we found his face later!

Scotts back did get a bit red!

We had fun, here are some more photos of Dustin and Samantha -enjoy!

A fun day!

House Fire

*.;:-`~~**Tuesday--July 13th, 2010**~~`-:;.*
Well, since I really don't remember if I wrote about this or not, and since today is the 13 year anniversary of our house fire, I thought I would walk you down a memory lane of our life. This is a time of deep pain, deep hurt with some family and also about healing...
 This our story, a story of our survival...
A story that happened 13 years ago, July 13th, 1997....

13 years ago today, on a sunday morning...

Dressed in my scrubs and ready to go I leave for work about 4:30 am, my shift begins at 5 am, but I must arrive just before that.   ...beautiful mauve color scrubs.. (yuk).  Sometimes at work when not too busy, we take in a book or something to do to pass the time.  I worked in OB and was not to leave the floor very often to work any another area.  Some days you run at work and some days you sit on your butt.
So I took my bead work just in case it was a `sit on your butt' sort of day...

But I would be busy, a new born baby-needing one on one care.  That would mean I could not even leave the nursery.  That baby needed a nurse by its side at all times.  As a small hospital, that was not something we usually did-that baby should really should have been shipped to a larger hospital for care, but the doctor was trying to save the family money and have us watch the baby.  We could do it, we just was not set up for one on one care in this small hospital-not in OB.  The hospital expected me to run the nursery just as I always had though, that would mean I was to help be the second person in the labor and delivery room, AND watch this baby who needed someone at its side all the time.

Sure, I can divide myself like that...

Later that morning we had delivery.  I was in the nursery with the baby who needed 'watched' and the new baby...doing the newborn exam when the ER nurse wandered into the nursery and asked me where my family was.
"church"
She said: "are you sure?"
I responded, "yes, as far as I know, why?"
"Ireena, are you really sure...?"
I looked up at her and said, "what's up?"
she looked at me and said matter of fact like, "I just heard on the radio-they just went out to your house,  it's fully engulfed in flames..."
I smiled and said..., "are you kidding?"
--"Ireena, I would not kid about a thing like that..."
I looked dumb founded at her and said-"I gotta go.."
she says, "I know, just go."

I went to the phone, called the church, the pastor's wife answered the phone-I asked her if she saw my family, no she had not...
I hung up the phone...

Out the back door I went, the only time in my life working as a nurse that I actually could have been accused of abandoning a patient...
Climbing into my van, I began the drive home.  I was in LaGrange working and our home was in Howe...I could already see smoke in the sky...
I prayed...
 ~ok, I see some smoke, not much, so maybe it is just my living room....

Driving..just north of LaGrange now...

Lord, please...I pleaded...

Almost to Howe now, more smoke is seen...ok maybe it is the living room and kitchen...
I beg now, Lord, please you can have everything I own today- but don't take my babies today...please....

I still did not know where my family was and since this was before I owned a cell phone...I had no idea if they were at the house or not...

I am in Howe now, I see so much more smoke...tears flow more freely now...
I am not sure I can see to drive,
maybe I should have had someone drive me ....

Lord, please~
 ~please, I know I am to hold my babies with a open hand, I know we have always prayed that if they would not serve you when they are grown, to take them now, but  please-if possible not today, I don't think I can do this...I just don't know ...
How can I do this?

sobbing now
so hard to see to drive...

I need a human being beside me, but there is no one...
no one...

I keep praying...

Turning on the road that takes me home, there is so much black dark dark smoke...
ok, I think- it is the living room, dining room, kitchen and ....well...I think the whole house...can't accept this is happening...it is really like a dream...or nightmare...and I can't wake up..

Pulling back onto the long drive by the lake , it is a single lane road, I saw the flames over the tree tops as I rounded the corner to turn onto the last road...I reach that last corner and there are the  people I know from work...
one of the ambulance crew's....

Their ambulance is blocking the road, I can not get past it to drive back to my home...and then there they are, they get out and begin walking towards me...
they are blocking the road...they will not allow me to go thru
their hands are raised-showing the universal sign...
 to have me stop...

My van stops, I don't remember putting it in park
why are they not allowing me to pass them...no...nooo...is my family at home and in the house?
 my door opens
 I fall out onto the road...I can not stand with the thought of maybe loosing someone
I find myself on my knees sobbing,

Then I feel arms around me, as they tell me."Oh NO Ireena, they have not found anyone, we just did not want you to walk back there alone..."

Hands help me to my feet, and we walk back to the house..  I feel like I am running the gauntlet, with neighbors on each side of me...watching and staring...

many I do not even know, some are friendly ones, some are unfriendly ones -some who did not like us and our homeschooling -Christian ways...
Some of those were drinkers and partied all the time, and did not like us...
Some are teachers in the public school system and did not like that we home school
I walk up towards the house...

I can not sit out front where neighbors are sitting in their lawn chairs watching my home burn...
some are even eating their lunch as they watch...
'you're having a picnic while you watch my home burn and I don't even know where my family is?'
I think, "Perhaps you are watching them burn?"
How can people be so morbid?
Is this a performance or something?  this is nuts!

I wait for my family, the car is not here so...I can only hope and pray that they all went to church...and wait...
I have to trust...trust you LORD that you know best
Waiting is so long and not easy...

finally they come home, they are all safe.

Now I focus on praying for ..our home...
I thank GOD for HIS answer of my prayer and then I ask GOD, now that I know my babies are safe, my family is safe, the fire men are all safe, can I have just one baby photo of each of my children LORD?
Just one...

I will be content with only one...

I look at the home, the kids are also tired of seeing the neighbors watch it burn and have a picnic so we all go to the back side of the house- out into the field, and sit.

Time seems to stand still.
Then, finally it is over, and the fire is out.
The trucks leave...
There is a lot of mud all around the house...
There is a smell of smoke, sickening smoke...

And this is what my home now looks like-my home....

We can't go in we have to wait for awhile.  There is safety issues. We want to look for anything that might have not burned, But, what could survive this fire?  The photo above is where my desk was, my file cabinets.  My cash was on that desk from my paycheck.  I had just cashed my check -and the money was not in my checking account yet.  All of that was for bills...now what do I do?

We go to town, waiting until we can go into the house to see what we can salvage.
I realize that I only have the scrubs from work--for clothing, nothing else.  All of us,  only have the clothes on our back.  No clean underwear, no tooth brush, no pillow to place our head onto tonight.  The beautiful dresses I just made for my daughters that they only wore once, are now burned up.

I pick out packages of underwear, 7 packages, one for each family member.  I pick out one outfit for each of us.  Something simple, shorts and a t-shirt, and 7 pillows.  Next the personals-a bar of soap, some washcloths and towels, and toothpaste.  Now for tooth brushes.  Wow, there are firm heads, soft or medium.  The brush can be angled or straight...I can not think right now there are too many choices over a simple thing as a tooth brush!

I look terrible, soot and mud all over me and my clothes, my hair is a mess, my face is covered with soot, and my body covered with sweat -smelling...and now I need a college degree to figure out which toothbrush I need!  I have to figure out 6 more after picking out mine. Right now, this simple task feels so overwhelming!

I start humming...and swaying, I need Scott here, for emotional support, I think I have just lost my mind.
Then I look up and see a woman, tall, blond, nice hair, clean, smells nice.  She looks at me and sniffs...yes lady-I know I do not smell good.  She makes a point to slip past me.  Her nose is in the air...
high and mighty are you?
I still am humming and can not stop looking at her...I stare at her and I am thinking, you have no idea what I have been thru today...

At the check out, I do not have enough cash.  So I have to put everything back, I can only afford the tooth brushes ...

my check had just been cashed, but the money was in the desk.
It burned up.
The check book burned up.

No clean underwear for anyone.
No pillows for anyone.
nothing but toothbrushes.
But thank you GOD for clean tooth brushes...
our clothes are dirty but our teeth are clean...

Back at the house, at the corner of the house where I had all of our photo albums (I use to do scrap booking before it was popular) I see the photo albums, they are wet, partly burned on the edges of the albums, but the photos inside are all ok. Answered prayer! I have a lot of work , hard work to do to save them.  They must all be opened up and each photo taken out, and placed out to dry in order to be saved..Thank you GOD for this gift...

Scott goes to his parents with the children and I work on the photos, I had to pull them all out of the albums and lay them out in the yard to dry...to try to save them.  The neighbor who had bought our home (we were still living there and renting it) let us use the garage to put them in.  I worked alone.

 Then one couple from church came and began to help me.  A neighbor showed up, he wanted to help and another woman, neighbor, wanted to help.  They insisted on helping.  I felt grateful.   I will forever be grateful for these 4 wonderful people and their help. They not only helped, but insisted on helping.   I felt that GOD allowed the photos to survive, but now I had to do my part to work with them...I worked long into the evening ...even after everyone else went home. No family from my side was here (some of them were on vacation and out of town) and no one from Scotts side at all (they were at home).  Scott is still at his parents with the kids.  I work until I am done.  I am exhausted.  But over 80% of our family photos survived...PRAISE to GOD!
Oh, and my 'bead work' survived, only because it was in my van!

Day #1(what else we did on that first day)
 I  go to scotts parents house..They all waited up.  They said we could stay with them for now.
I want a shower, but his dad thinks I could wait until morning. Really? I am covered with dirt, and soot. And now I am being told like I am a little child when I can shower?
No I can not wait, I am covered with soot.
So I shower.
I dry my hair, and then use some hair spray that was out on the sink.  It felt good to be clean.  It felt good to have my hair clean and in order.

In the morning the hair spray is missing...

Day #2
The  next morning we want to get our stuff done, but his parents want us to be at their house so we can 'greet' people that come to see us.  What?  We can not do that. I have no time to just sit around and cry.
Scott and I go to town, in Howe, and eat breakfast at a restaurant.  We needed to just be together...away from others so we can talk and think...
Our waitress says...honey you two look like you lost your best friend...

We need to go to the insurance company. Meanwhile, his parents decide to take it upon themselves to send a relative (a former insurance agent) to find out what we have for insurance, and (our personal information was given out to him without our permission).
We arrive and see him there,
no your not helping...really
you have no idea how you actually HURT us instead.
You do not know the conversations that we needed to discuss with our agent...

we needed to take care of this ourselves....
are we kids yet?
we have 5 kids ourselves-I do not think were still kids! These forced controlling things done by people who want to control us, and our decisions, did not help us-they in fact hurt us.

We do not have the insurance we thought we did.  This is the first time we have ever rented before, so first time having renters insurance.   And now I find out the insurance company's secretary did NOT give our agent the final message I called with for the amount to tell them.
So the decision is-do we fight this, and sue them? Or do we take the small , lump sum of money that did not even cover everything. It would not cover furniture, clothing, food,  canning jars and canners,  computer, money, towels, bedding, sewing machine and supplies, toys, dishes, washer and dryer, stove, refrigerator, freezer, and kitchen items, NOTHING!

No, we did not sue them-but we also got no where.
we lost about 140,000.00 in house hold items. (replacement cost)
We received about 9-10% back in insurance.
not much to do anything with...
and nothing we can do to prove the mistake...
we lost-
a lot

So some of the Family said---well that should do us ok, that amount......
What?! Really???

That would buy a new refrigerator, stove, washer and dryer -maybe that much- that is it.
If we were lucky.
What about the towels, washcloths, clothes, dishes, pots, pans, skillets, silverware, books, couch, chairs, tables, curtains, small appliances, tv, phone, kids toys, computer, stands, desks, canner, canning jars, food, and we could go on and on...Oh! and our toothbrushes.....

What about the stand that my father who is no longer living- built.
What about my grandfathers rocking chair...
What about scotts small rocking chair that he had as a child...that our own children used...
What about the toy chest that my father built special for my oldest child...
What about all of my drawings and paintings I did as an artist...
What about scotts pottery work he did as an artist...

And our photos...all of my photos....

None of this can be replaced...

Call from a doctors wife, she has a table for us, it has a broken leg.  But we can have it --
we just need to come get it.
She has a few more pieces of furniture, broken or worn- but we can come get them-we can have them.

Wait! you want me to haul away your junk for you?
For free?
you think it is a bonus if I 'get to keep it'.
yeah right.

Some one said to call the red cross, they help out with stuff like this.
The red cross?
I call them...
They are suppose to help in times like this...
But...
They not around for us.
She called back, no can not help..wont come...no help available...
wow!  A family of 7 is homeless and no help from the local red cross is available!

see if I donate to you again

years later I was asked to help this same local red cross...'since I do so much mission work --I would be good at that...'
yeah right. I want to align myself with you-no thank you...

Scott got off of work for 30 days, no pay, but time to get stuff done.
I worked, since my hours were better and pay better as a nurse.
that was our choice.
as a couple.

Scott's parents were mad.  They said:
"I am the mom, and I should be home"

Day #3
We decided to keep our family plans (coming up about 3 weeks after the fire) it was a family decision.

Until then, the oldest boys went to my little sisters.  The youngest 3 were with their aunt Dawn...
today I have a fund raiser for the mission trip
port a pit chicken planned, that we COULD NOT get out of, and if we did -scott and I would have owed over $1000.00 to the company for chicken!
We already had to replace all the chips, pop and other food and silverware etc for this fundraiser that was in our house when it burned..
we could not afford to lose more.
I had to do this fund raiser.
Scott could not help
he was with his parents sitting around a kitchen table drinking coffee, listening to them complain about me and what a bad mother I was. (yes really they were).

I got home late, put the left over chicken in our freezer (the only other thing that survived since it was on the porch where it did not burn. After the fire, we moved it to scotts parents house on day #1.)

"Family Plans" were:
I was to go onto a mission trip.  It would have been the cheapest trip ever for me, I did not have to drive. Yeah!
Scott was taking the boys to camp on our 10 acres we already owned.  'man time.'
The girls and Dustin were going with my mom for the week.  Grandma time.

Everyone of us were happy to keep something in our lives normal.  Something we had looked forward to since before the fire...The children were excited to do the plans they had before the fire, so it seemed like something normal to them. It would be healing a little to do this.

Everyone but Scotts parents.  They said:

I was a "terrible mom"...
I was a "awful wife"...

It is late
it is dark out.  My mom and sisters and family show up
they have been gone on vacation -with our video camera
(so that survived because it was gone).

They are shocked and surprised about what happened- and want to talk with us right away when they got home.
I can not talk
Scott's parents are fighting and yelling at us right at the time they show up....
my family leaves...

Morning of Day#4
Fight again with Scott's parents.
they are mad,
they say "we sat on their furniture"
"we ate their food"
"I used her hair spray"
I "shower at night, and that is not ok"
(I work second shift and HAVE to shower after work or I bring germs home to everyone)
They also said: (especially his mother saying the following:)
I am a bitch
I am a terrible mom
I am a terrible wife
I took her Scott away from her
He comes to me now, not her
we lived in a slum house...
It was embarrassing to them...where we lived.

They said all of these terrible things.

I told Scott I was leaving. Scott panicked, thinking I was leaving him, I said no, just this house and his family....He could leave with me if he wants to, or stay with his parents but I was going.  I did not deserve to be spoken to that way or treated that way.

Scott and I left...
I packed my toothbrush....
and we left
we had no where to go

no where

We had nothing...

But each other and our children.

Tonight is the last night of a childbirth class I teach...
but my sister is helping me teach
remember I was the one to work, and Scott would stay to work on 'all the mess and stuff-and be with the children'
This is also my 'work' this childbirth class.  I have to teach it, it is the last night of the class.

We go talk to my family, telling them we will be taking our small camper and camping for the summer.
they insist that we live with them
they will not take no for an answer

I cry
I tell them no, we already ruined one family relationship (Scott's family)
we do not want to ruin another
we will go camp somewhere

they will not take no for an answer

My brother in law told me when I argued-woman-you will stay here.  There are 4 homes here, we have room, this is what family does for each other.   I have never forgotten that.  He has made me mad about other things in life, but I have always appreciated this about him.

I say, we have to go away tonight
we need to be alone. We need time to talk... (the children are still with family)

but, we have a place to stay-with my family from this time on.

We learned a lot about false help during this time of our lives.

Family with money are selfish.
Family who are poor and struggle for everything, are more willing to give to others (my family).  Maybe because they know how it feels to go with out. Maybe they are humble a little more. So many who "have money" and "claim" to be christian, are not there for you when you need them. (the church we attended at this time, was one of those 'christian' places not there for us).
so many people-who right away had originally said they had a house or cabin or cottage we could use, and when we now contact them to take them up on the offer (only days later from the offer) they all refused.....
One was a doctor who later in my life was a reason I went thru another very difficult time, told me he had a cabin I could stay at, but when I contacted him about this offer, he refused to allow us to stay there. Giving soooo many reasons why not.  But the offer was done 'in front of  people where it made him  look good to others' and the decline to us was done privately. Well you might look good to other people, but I know the truth, and so does GOD.  I have learned people like to talk big in front of others to look good to everyone else, but when challenged at following up on their offer, they are not really interested in helping at all...

We really learned this a lot during this time.

Let your no be no and your yes be yes...(Matthew 5:37)

My family will watch the kids for us so I can go to class.
Scott will meet me after the class so we can have one night alone to think...We were going to a hotel
We have some big choices to make about our relationship...

During class I try to smile
these couples are pregnant and happy
I do not want to ruin it for them.
When I feel like crying I just excuse myself and my sister takes over teaching

When I come back into the room everyone is quiet and staring at me
I say "what?"
My sister says to me, they know....

that night Scott and I go to the hotel.
I sit quietly on the bed
crying
I tell him it is ok, if he wants to leave me
I can not see his family again. I just can not. I am so tired of the years of his mother hating me, calling me a fat bitch, (so many in their family have no idea how she speaks to me), and what a awful mother I am. No one sticks up for me, even my husband does not.  So this might be the time our marriage just can not survive...I tell him:
he can leave me-its ok-I understand.
with his family hating me so much and fighting, it is ok if he needs to leave me
I would rather divorce now before we hate each other....

He answers no, your my family and if I never see my parents again, then that is the way it is.

We live in a pop up camper for 6 months.  My end of the camper has a hole in it-in the roof part-so I feel the rain and snow.  I awoke once with about 6 inches of snow on me.
the heater does not work...
I now know homelessness and being cold.
Our children are in my sisters home.
She does a lot for us, garage sales and all...looking for stuff for us...
so does my other family members.

My family helps us by sorting clothing that comes in, or sorting anything that comes in.  My family helps by purchasing items that they find at garage sales- even when they really can not afford it.
My family gave up weekends for us for about 2 months as we built our new place, to help us.

My place of employment does a fund raiser for me, for the money for the mission trip...they did a book sale at the hospital and the hospital also matched the amount raised...
When they gave it to me, it had been a surprise and everyone but me knew about it...so one day as I sat at the desk charting....
everyone lined up at the window that is between the OB and medsurg department watching- when the head administrator of the hospital show up at my desk while I was working.
I looked up  from charting and thought oh no.
I must be getting fired-the boss is here.  The big boss...
then he smiled

Scotts place of employment also gave us some money.  Every bit helped.
My sisters job-a truck driver gave his last $5.00 saying we were worse off than him, and needed it more.  Last 5 dollars! Some people have such a heart to really care...GOD bless them all.

The family went with me on this mission trip, in an attempt to please Scott's parents.
It cost us more money. (something we could not afford right now) and the gift of money from my job was GODS way to bless us, in our efforts to try to help heal the relationships.  GOD provided..

It did help us
It did not help with his parents
They quit talking to us totally.
that was fine with me.

I missed my home.  It was our home...A place where we were raising our children. It might have looked like a slum to some people, it was not a fancy house, but it was our house.  It was a place of fun, of family. I had tried hard to make that place a home, sewing the curtains, decorating so carefully...

I would miss this home...

With his parents-
Finally we healed enough to talk
Only due to GOD
years later...
I had to forgive them not for their sake, I did not care about that at all honestly.  I had to forgive them for MY sake.  Hate destroys you.  Destroys your mind. So for MY sake, I forgave them. Forgiveness does NOT equal forgetting. Forgiveness does NOT mean you trust them.  I never forgot, nor will I.  I never will trust them. Never.  I was written out of their will, that is the hate they have for me.

But...

I was able to be there for his dad when he died.
I was able to be there for his mom as his dad died...
I did NOT go there for him or for her, I did it for my Husband.

so here we are all these years later-
What have I learned?

1.  How NOT to help people going thru a crisis
2.  How to help people going thru a crisis

3.  Do not judge someone by their appearance and smell alone.  You do not know what that person has been through...

4.  How to really give.
5.  How to really be there for someone going thru a crisis

6.  How to help, really help.  Remember 'help with the photos'- that labor intensive work, you will not be noticed by the town and everyone important that you are doing that work, but you will be noticed by the family (me) and most important-by GOD."  those 4 people earned a jewel in their heavenly crown that day ... A big jewel if I can say so...

7.  That just because people are saying they are a Christian, that does not mean they are perfect.

8.  Most people want to 'show off' for everyone, and talk big   This makes people take notice of them when they offer to help and do things-but when it comes right down to it-the nitty gritty-they  are all talk.

 9.  Actually the Christians were worse at helping, worse at giving (for the most part) than the non Christians.
We had more non-Christians giving and helping than the Christians!  The church we went to at the time was no help -really. The church failed.  Some of the older women, being friends with my mother in law, spoke so bad of us (mostly me) that we stopped attending there so his parents would continue to attend church at least.  We could go about anywhere or have church in our own home if we had to. They were 'new' believers, and attending there too.  The pastor actually counseled us to not leave, to let them leave, but we did not believe that was what GOD had for us. So we obeyed what we knew GOD was telling us to do.  We left. That too --was very hard on our children.  They have been uprooted from their home, lost everything they owned, and now lost one side of their family and now their church family too...

Months later we returned to a church where we had attended 1984 until we began attending this latest church...

I would never change what happened because I learned a lot of valuable lessons

These are lessons that GOD has taught me, about helping, healing and moving on...we grow and move on...

I still have to hold my family with an open hand...
They are GODS first and as my prayer all my live has been, it still is the same today...
they are YOURS now GOD so if ever they will turn from YOU- take them first why they are still YOURS

this is the back deck and 'view' of the dining room...

No official cause of the fire was ever given to us, but suspicions was told that it was set by someone who had something to gain.

not us

We gained nothing-except valuable lessons from GOD.

Lunch With Grandma

Today we had lunch with Dustin and Samantha, who came down from Muskegon Michigan to visit.  Also Nalani, Anastasia and Stephen drove up from the south...(kendaville).  We (Scott and I) were watching Nathans two children, so we took them with us to lunch.  I went and picked up my mom too so she could enjoy some time with the family. She kept saying how nice this was to go, and 'what a surprise'.  


 We went to a Mexican restaurant in Sturgis, good food but terrible service.  Yes they were busy, but they were also seen just playing a hand held game instead of coming back and refilling our drinks. Did bring a container of water so we could refill our own water, no ice in it though. And not a full container for 10 people...  Stuff like that does not make me too happy.  And they told me they had ONLY sweet tea, yet Stephen ordered sweet tea and said it was NOT sweetened... 
sigh...


But despite all of that, it was nice.

Here are the photos...The one above is Dustin and Samantha and their nephew Jeremiah ...

Stephen and Dustin...

Stephen, Nalani and Scott...

Dustin and Grandma...

Anastasia and Grandma...

Nalani and Grandma -who was giving Nalani a kiss!

Josiah and Great Grandma

Dustin and Samantha and Jeremiah...

It was a nice day (except for the service....they need to work on that)

Oh, and this is Stephen selling cars...they even come with a licence plate...(dont buy one...really-)

Hot Dry Weather

Bob the goat is still a problem.  I just watched him squeeze out of the fence to the 'world' of weeds by the woods.  Bob, (sorry everyone), will become dinner someday.  






It has been so hot this past week.  Draco -the family dog, has been allowed in the house...he seems to like the air conditioning.  

So does Kadia the cat.  Todd (the other cat) was out side somewhere and can not be found currently.  Hopefully he is just out hiding in the shade due to the heat...or did he get into the basement and no one noticed??? I guess I will have to check on  that-later. 

I went outside to day to see what the girls had accomplished, they come over and did some work around here to help out which we appreciate a lot.  They painted the sheds ( all of them needed a new coat of paint before summer was over in preparation for winter).  I picked out the color, but the green is a bit brighter than I wanted, but it will do. It looked darker in the store, or is it my older eyes and eye-sight----no, cant be that. I am not gonna get any new paint to re do them!  I am too cheap!

They do look better!

They even did a coat on the small trailer that needed it really bad!  Their dad was pleased with that.  I think I would have wanted a purple trailer actually had I known it was to be done.  But I guess it blends in with the barn and sheds better this way!

Now scott just has to put the two pieces back together..

I think we need to add a new bottom to  it first! It is very warn...






Well as I looked around I see they left a message for me...I had asked them if they painted the front of the shed too but no...they did it their way...saying something about it will need to be done later...

The chickens are enjoying what shade they can find...

and the cow is just enjoying the sun...

                           The goats do not seem to mind the sun...(A rumor says they got into the paint and some horns are now green...but they would not come close enough for me to confirm this rumor)

The garden is doing good,  we finally watered it today, praying for some rain soon!  Well, I will stop writing-I know this is short, but I am tired...been a long couple of days...I will end with with some photos of the garden and I hope you all have a great week!